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Oct 31

Be Yourself!

I believe that people are generally good. I believe that most people want to be the best people they can be. So in an effort to be good we sometimes put on a happy face when we’re not really happy. Sometimes, in our efforts to be better people we begin on the outside and work our way inward. We make the mistake of thinking if we change how we act, that we are changing who we are. We hold our tongue instead of telling people what we really think. We’ve learned through experience that telling people what we think prevents having happy relationships. I know that sometimes I put a smile on my face, even when I don’t feel like smiling. Sometimes I ask people, “How are you?” when I’m not really interested in how they are at that moment. I think its normal, for all of us, to interact with
people just a little bit differently than how we feel on the inside. We learn in life, that to get along with people, we need to present ourselves in ways that don’t precisely represent what we think.

So what’s wrong with that? In a nutshell what is wrong is that we are only making superficial changes. We are changing how we appear and not how we are. Let’s take an example. Let’s say that I see someone in the store and they’re hair isn’t combed. Once I’ve seen them and I decided what they were, that is, I’ve judged them to be uncombed, I have a choice. I can tell them what I think about their uncombed hair or I can choose to smile and pretend I haven’t judged them at all. Most people, in this situation, would keep their thoughts to themselves. We’ve learned to do that after years of life experience. But when we were children we wouldn’t have kept quiet. Would we? We would’ve blurted out exactly what we thought. Right?  As we grow up we learned that holding our tongue rather than telling people what we think, prevents us from hurting people. We learned that we should walk on by and never say a word about.

Learning to not say what you think is an external change. It changes how we act. It changes our personality. By making these kinds of changes we see an immediate benefit in our ability to interact with people. Since that makes us feel like we have accomplished something and unfortunately, we fail to fix what really needs changed. As we change what we show people it masks the need to make real character change. Isn’t the real problem in my example that I’m being judgmental? Shouldn’t I have noticed only the good qualities of this person instead of focusing on something I didn’t like? Isn’t the real problem my character and not what I did or didn’t say to them?

Just like the majority of you, I want to be a good person. I want to be a genuinely good person and not just someone that knows how to act. I realized some time ago that I lose the feeling that I need to change my character when I act like people expect me to feel. Because of my desire to be the best me I can, and because of my understanding that I act differently than I feel, I realized that I have to be who I am, or else I won’t know if I am who I want to be. If I act like I am not judging someone, that doesn’t mean I am no longer judge people, it just hides my true self. It hides it from others, and probably worse, it hides it from me.

I am proposing that we take a different approach. Rather than starting on the outside by filtering what we say and do, perhaps we need to start on the inside and work on our character so that we don’t have to filter our thoughts. Perhaps we should change who we are so that every honest feeling that comes out of our mouths will be truly loving, kind, accepting, and genuine. If we don’t be who we are instead of acting like we want to be, then how will we ever know if we really are who we want to be?

5 comments

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  1. Thena

    I watned to spend a minute to thank you for this.

  2. Leonida Padua

    Some really prize posts on this website , bookmarked .

    1. Allie

      I’m not quite sure how to say this; you made it etxremley easy for me!

  3. myp2pforum ufc 133

    hobert greetings ol Johanne auch bernd quit beckstrom marinaro

  4. Barbara

    I totally agree and after having read what you have said, I, too, realize that I often only “act” the part that I want to “be”. I act like I accept a person for who they are instead of really accepting them. What I have forgotten to mesh into my day to day self is something my mind knows to be true: we are all one, we are brothers and sisters under the facade of humanity. If I do not truly accept others for who they are, I do not truly accept that I can be whoever “I” want to be.

    It is said that Jesus told us to love ourself as we love God and to love one another the same. We are all One!! We must totally accept our whole self or we do not totally accept the self we see in the mirror.

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